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 Post subject: Re: Jesse's Jokes
PostPosted: Fri Jul 13, 2012 5:28 am 
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On the eve of 'Palooza V, and in honor of Botfly,....


What do you call a midget psychic on the run from the law??



... A small medium at large.
:shock:


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 Post subject: Re: Jesse's Jokes
PostPosted: Sat Jul 14, 2012 4:57 pm 
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I'm calling a penalty on sakic...I've seen that joke before....it's not an original......

However, I did make this one up buckle up, this one's a groaner.....

Certain computer users were having problems with their equipment, so they started a massive letter-writing campaign. WHY??

Well to make:

DELAWARE!!!!!!

_________________
In The BT (Buzztime Testament...can be found in RARE printings after the New Testament) the Book of Jesse, Chapter 4, Verse 20 states:

"I Just Smoked Your @$$!!!" (Jes. 4:20)


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 Post subject: You've done worse...
PostPosted: Sun Jul 22, 2012 12:11 am 
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Jesse wrote:
I'm calling a penalty on sakic...I've seen that joke before....it's not an original......

However, I did make this one up buckle up, this one's a groaner.....

Certain computer users were having problems with their equipment, so they started a massive letter-writing campaign. WHY??

Well to make:

DELAWARE!!!!!!


JESSE, you've done worse. I'll give you a C- on this one, only because I could figure it out. However, keep them coming, and maybe someday you can work your way up to a full C. :lol:

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 Post subject: This isn't mine, but...
PostPosted: Sun Jul 22, 2012 12:17 am 
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This isn't mine, but I read it on the bathroom wall at Mr. G's bar, and have never heard it any place else, so it might be an anonymous original joke. Here it is:

"Two men walked into a bar. The third man ducked."

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 Post subject: "The French Big Game Hunters"...
PostPosted: Thu Aug 09, 2012 11:46 pm 
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"The French Big Game Hunters"

(A CLOUDY original from about 40 years ago.)

Pierre and Jacques were bored with their lives in France, and wanted to go to Africa and hunt big game. So they booked a flight to the Serengeti, and went to the Safari Big Game Hunting Center after they landed. Once inside, they told the center's safari guide that they had flown all the way from France to hunt big game.

The guide told them that they had come to the right place, and asked them what they would like to hunt.

Pierre and Jacques shrugged their shoulders, and told the guide they really weren't sure, and would like a recommendation.

"How about the lion?" asked the guide.

Pierre and Jacques said no. They were afraid the lion might eat them, if they missed.

"How about the rhino?" asked the guide.

Pierre and Jacques said no again. They were afraid the rhino might trample and gore them, if they missed.

The guide went through a long list of possible African big game that they could hunt, but each time Pierre and Jacques said no, because they were afraid they might be killed if they missed.

Finally, the guide told them that he had the perfect recommendation for them. "The animal is African and big, but will not kill you, if you miss. The ostrich is what you must hunt. It is very stupid, and will stick its head in the sand when cornered, because it thinks if it cannot see anything, then nothing can see it."

Pierre and Jacques said that sounded good to them, rented two high powered rifles, and off they went to find the ostrich. They hadn't gone very far, when they spotted two ostriches about 400 yards in front of them. Pierre put his rifle to his shoulder and was about to pull the trigger, when Jacques told him to hold his fire, because they had to get closer.

Ostriches might be dumb, but they have good eyesight, and they saw the hunters, who were after them.

One ostrich said to the other, "Let's get out of here!", and they took off running. Pierre and Jacques started running after them as soon as they saw them running away. The chase went on for miles and miles, until the ostriches were totally worn out. They staggered through some bushes, where there was a small sandy clearing.

The ostriches said to each other, "We can't run another step. Let's hide from them." Both lowered their necks and stuck their heads in the sand.

Seconds later Pierre and Jacques entered the clearing, guns raised to their shoulders, and fingers on the triggers.

They looked around, scratched their heads, lowered their rifles, and said to each other, "Where did they go?

................................................... Image

...................................................................................... "Where did they go?"

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"The game is afoot."


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 Post subject: Re: Jesse's Jokes
PostPosted: Sun Aug 12, 2012 10:07 pm 
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Location: Calgary, Canuckistan
How call you tell when a pickle's gone bad?

It will have brown patches

In other words, watch out for cuke umbers

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/°v°\ • Every time Linux boots, a penguin gets its wings
I'm a solipsistic conspiracy theorist. I'm sure I must be up to something, and I won't stop until I find out what
Why not downgrade Plutonium to a dwarf element?


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 Post subject: Re: Jesse's Jokes
PostPosted: Wed Aug 22, 2012 11:29 pm 
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There was a question tonight about which movie featured Richard Gere singing

So I piped up that some movie patrons were undoubtedly sickened by the sound

They were Chicago Ill o' Noise


Sorry, I couldn't resist state-ing that pun

_________________
/°v°\ • Every time Linux boots, a penguin gets its wings
I'm a solipsistic conspiracy theorist. I'm sure I must be up to something, and I won't stop until I find out what
Why not downgrade Plutonium to a dwarf element?


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 Post subject: Boy Scout bunk mates...
PostPosted: Tue Sep 18, 2012 3:29 am 
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I don't think I've aleady put this CLOUDY original up here or not. If I have, please forgive me for boring you all again.

What do Boy Scout bunk mates at camp have in common with a high pressure salesman?

They are both two (too) in tents (intense). :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

I guess after that it is time for me to say...

....................................... Image

.................................................... "Goodnight I'm going to bed."

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"The game is afoot."


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 Post subject: Re: Jesse's Jokes
PostPosted: Sat Sep 29, 2012 2:52 am 
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a couple of real groaners:

The elements of the Periodic Table got together to host a beauty pageant.....

Needless to say the were on a MISSION to crown a MISS ION!!!!!





A woman was walking w/ her daughter when they happened upon a spider. Pointing to the corner in which it was lurking, the young girl asked what it was, to which the mother replied:

"It's a WEB, PAIGE!!!!!"

_________________
In The BT (Buzztime Testament...can be found in RARE printings after the New Testament) the Book of Jesse, Chapter 4, Verse 20 states:

"I Just Smoked Your @$$!!!" (Jes. 4:20)


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 Post subject: Re: Jesse's Jokes
PostPosted: Sat Sep 29, 2012 2:56 am 
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For those who might be interested I've finally and at last come up w/ a joke about Penn State. However, this is probably not fir for the forums, and so I would ask any of you if you'd be interested in having me post if Dante gave permission.....I can run it by him and see what he thinks.....

_________________
In The BT (Buzztime Testament...can be found in RARE printings after the New Testament) the Book of Jesse, Chapter 4, Verse 20 states:

"I Just Smoked Your @$$!!!" (Jes. 4:20)


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 Post subject: Re: Jesse's Jokes
PostPosted: Thu Nov 08, 2012 2:01 pm 
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King or Queen Postalot
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Location: Calgary, Canuckistan
Last night, there was a question asking which nation is not part of Indo-China (Pakistan was the answer). Choice number 5 was Kampuchea, which prompted JONES to speculate about the viability of a new product for the cheesy gift market, namely the Kampu-ch-ch-ch-chia pet

Of course, that prompted me to exclaim "It's the Pol Pottery that grows!" :lol:


Meanwhile, have you heard about that new cocktail, the "Hurricane Sandy?"

It's just a watered-down Manhattan 8-)

_________________
/°v°\ • Every time Linux boots, a penguin gets its wings
I'm a solipsistic conspiracy theorist. I'm sure I must be up to something, and I won't stop until I find out what
Why not downgrade Plutonium to a dwarf element?


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 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Jesse's Jokes
PostPosted: Fri Nov 09, 2012 2:27 am 
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Location: Ala Moana Honolulu, HI
what happened when all the even digits in our base 10 system got together with the vowels of the English alphabet???

No one's really sure but I think the digits 8 and 0.....

ATE E (80)

_________________
In The BT (Buzztime Testament...can be found in RARE printings after the New Testament) the Book of Jesse, Chapter 4, Verse 20 states:

"I Just Smoked Your @$$!!!" (Jes. 4:20)


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 Post subject: Re: Jesse's Jokes
PostPosted: Thu Mar 14, 2013 4:39 pm 
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Location: Calgary, Canuckistan
Do you know why it's a bad idea to date women who work for Time magazine?

Because they have so many issues

_________________
/°v°\ • Every time Linux boots, a penguin gets its wings
I'm a solipsistic conspiracy theorist. I'm sure I must be up to something, and I won't stop until I find out what
Why not downgrade Plutonium to a dwarf element?


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 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Jesse's Jokes
PostPosted: Wed Feb 05, 2014 10:07 am 
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King or Queen Postalot
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Posts: 1451
Location: Calgary, Canuckistan
Did you hear about the lawyer with the strange sexual fetish?

He got off on a technicality

_________________
/°v°\ • Every time Linux boots, a penguin gets its wings
I'm a solipsistic conspiracy theorist. I'm sure I must be up to something, and I won't stop until I find out what
Why not downgrade Plutonium to a dwarf element?


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 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Jesse's Jokes
PostPosted: Wed Feb 12, 2014 8:47 am 
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Location: Ala Moana Honolulu, HI
Well, since I've been in the Orlando area, I've come up with two real groaners; here's one of them the other will be next post:

They've written a new theatrical drama. The main characters are all fruits. Literally fruits: apples, oranges, bananas, grapes, etc..

These fruits have been given human emotions, characteristics, traits, etc.

The play, however, has a very sad ending: you see, at the end of the the fruits jump into a giant sized juice machine en masse...













They're calling it a SUICIDE SQUEEZE PLAY!!!!

_________________
In The BT (Buzztime Testament...can be found in RARE printings after the New Testament) the Book of Jesse, Chapter 4, Verse 20 states:

"I Just Smoked Your @$$!!!" (Jes. 4:20)


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 Post subject: Re: Jesse's Jokes
PostPosted: Wed Feb 12, 2014 8:57 am 
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Location: Ala Moana Honolulu, HI
Groaner #2:

Picture this:

Ancient Greece: A just man by the name of Homer (not THE Homer) spends his life roaming the country, usually minding his own business, but helping people where he can and mostly just enjoying life.

One day he happens upon a pair of twins, Xander and Lander. Xander and Lander are slaves and their master is very mean. Well, after circumstances come to pass that Xander is killed by his master for no good reason, Homer could stand no more, takes up arms against the slave owner, killing him, and thus, emancipating Lander.

The two kindred spirits become fast friends and roamed the country together. But everywhere they went they introduced themselves as:













LANDER THE FREE AND HOMER THE BRAVE!!!

_________________
In The BT (Buzztime Testament...can be found in RARE printings after the New Testament) the Book of Jesse, Chapter 4, Verse 20 states:

"I Just Smoked Your @$$!!!" (Jes. 4:20)


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 Post subject: Another Cloudy original joke...
PostPosted: Tue Apr 22, 2014 3:25 am 
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Here's another Cloudy original joke:

Does anybody know Vladimir Putin's middle name...?

It's Ras.

Yep, Vladimir Rasputin.

(That's enough for the joke. Now for the possibly real stuff.)


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XVSRm80WzZk



Image .......... Image

This is uncanny, they could be the same guy... They have the same eyes, same nose, same mouth, same ears, same cheek bones, same chin, same receding hairline, same forehead, and same hypnotic evil stare.

p.s. I suspect that my days are now numbered, after uncovering and revealing this frightening discovery. :shock:

p.p.s. When they come after me, I do have a possible out. I know the the secret manager's code for Buzztime. Perhaps that will save me somehow. :lol:

p.p.p.s. If you don't believe in earthly life beyond death, they could very well be grandfather and grandson.

p.p.p.p.s. The only differences I can find between these two pictures (taken 100 years apart) is that the first didn't shave, and combed over his frontal balding, while the second shaved his face, and let his frontal balding go.

_________________
"The game is afoot."


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 Post subject: Re: Jesse's Jokes
PostPosted: Fri Aug 01, 2014 1:58 am 
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Posts: 348
Two guys end up in the same ER and a really cute woman is the x-ray technician on duty that night.

Both try to flirt with her as they get examined but she only really reacts to the second guy.

The first guy thinks to himself, "What does she see in him?"


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 Post subject: Re: Jesse's Jokes
PostPosted: Sat Nov 08, 2014 4:20 pm 
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Apparently there's going to be a sequel to the popular Julia Roberts movie, it will feature the actress consuming animals flesh, getting a tan, and then coping through winter. It is tentatively titled:


Meat Spray Glove

_________________
In The BT (Buzztime Testament...can be found in RARE printings after the New Testament) the Book of Jesse, Chapter 4, Verse 20 states:

"I Just Smoked Your @$$!!!" (Jes. 4:20)


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