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I don’t know if you folks are as fed up with reporting by the media these days as your disgusted correspondent. Most of the stories reported today seem to some kind of political slant to them. Even human interest stories have become a vehicle for partisan pandering.
For example, a local story about an unfortunate couple of people appears to be blowing up into some made-for-TV bit of sensationalism. But before we get into that, we need to take a look at something truly trivial, like the…
Worn-up Round
1. Myrrh and frankincense are: RESINS.
2. In what country is the Kamchatka Peninsula? RUSSIA.
3. If a Brit is gobsmacked, he or she is: ASTOUNDED.
4. It has the distinction of being the first National Park in the United States: YELLOWSTONE.
5. Alpine and continental are two types of: GLACIERS.
6. In 1577, he began a voyage around the world: FRANCIS DRAKE.
7. ‘Homage to ___’ is an important non-fictional work by George Orwell: CATALONIA.
8. NASA’s ___ spacecraft went into orbit of the planet Jupiter last month: JUNO.
9. The Rooney Rule is a policy used by the: NFL.
10. Super typhoon Nepartak dealt a crushing blow to ___ last month: TAIWAN.
Well after a run of nine correct answers, Typhoon Nepartak blew us away. Nine out of ten is a decent result for the round. However, sometimes the results of people’s actions are a good deal less than decent. For example:
Dateline Alberturkey, 15 Aug 2016: “Jack Spratt could eat no fat, his wife could eat no lean, but between the two of them, they licked the platter clean.” This is a sad tale of two people who needed a little help with their food obsession. Police report that Jack and Louisa Spratt of 409 Drury Lane were found dead at their home by a concerned neighbor. The Coroner said the couple had probably been dead for less than a week and passed away from malnutrition and vitamin deficiency. No evidence of either vegetables or fruits was discovered in the home. The couple will be buried in Potter’s Field. No services are anticipated.
Ground-down Round
1. A Georgia farmer named Ty Ty Walden is the main character in this 1933 novel: GOD’S LITTLE ACRE.
2. Born circa 1760, Katsushika Hokusai became famous as a ___ printmaker and painter: JAPANESE.
3. The U.S. Army’s ___ is known as the toughest combat course in the world: RANGER SCHOOL.
4. The lower part of this river flows through Alaska. YUKON.
5. In what decade did Antonio Vivaldi compose ‘The Four Seasons’? 1720’S.
6. Nelson Algren gained fame in the 20th Century by: WRITING BOOKS.
7. The quokka is a small mammal native to: AUSTRALIA.
8. The United Nations approved the ___ Climate Agreement earlier this year: PARIS.
9. Which type of food is rapini? CRUCIFEROUS VEGETABLE.
10. In Nigeria, naira is the country’s: CURRENCY.
11. Who would most likely grant an appanage? MONARCH.
12. National Paddy Day was celebrated last month in the country of: NEPAL.
The team got a good run going on WU 1-5 before stumbling on WU6. Momentum was regained on WU 7-11 but lost on WU12. This was an outstanding round for the group, even though there was some vigorous discussion on several of the questions. That was especially true on WU 1, 8 and 9. But our vehement disputes on trivia questions are nothing in comparison to those generated by the media…
For whatever reason, the story was picked up by a national news outlet. They had a decent human interest story, but look what they did with it.
TNN Reports, with Wulf Schlitzer, “Today’s final story is about the death of an Alberturkey couple. Reporting from the scene is Haroldo Riberia:
Riberia: “Today in Alberturkey the bodies of Jack and Louisa Spratt were discovered by a concerned neighbor. The emaciated corpses of the couple point to a growing and disturbing trend in this country of ours. Food abuse has become a major concern of health professionals across the land. The Spratts are just the latest example of adults who have fallen victim to fad diets based upon faulty science and outright ignorance. The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services promises a major investigation into the factors leading to this unfortunate couple’s deaths. Back to you, Wulf…”
Scatology Round
S1. Ancient wonders v 2016 SPORTS
Which sports star tested positive for an illegal substance earlier this year? MARIA SHARAPOVA. {SCOOTR with the assist, and KURGAN with the call.}
S2. Current writers v ETHNIC CUISINE
Timpano is a ___ dish consisting of noodles, meatballs, and sausage: ITALIAN. {Our Chef KURGAN dished this one out.}
S3. Famous women v GENERAL SCIENCE
This term has meanings in dentistry, medicine, meteorology, and linguistics: OCCLUSION. {DUFF was the first to recognize this.}
S4. Ethnic cuisine v ANCIENT WONDERS
The statue of Zeus at Olympia was made by the Greek sculptor Phidias in the ___ Century B.C. {BLZBUB gets an assist for calling DUFF off his pre-call of ‘Phidias’ and onto thinking about the correct century (without yelling “RFQ*”).}
*RFQ = Read the Frakking Question!
S5. GENERAL SCIENCE v current writers
Where in the universe would one find Kirkwood gaps: ASTEROID BELT. {SCOOTR got this one for us.}
S6. 2016 SPORTS v famous women
He was the unexpected winner of the 2016 Masters: DANNY WILLETT. {KURGAN was steady on this putt.}
Our august assemblage went 6 for 6 on better than three quarters of the boxes in play for this round. There was some slight bleeding around ‘the brain’ on S5. However our team is a good deal better than the media at keeping their emotions in check. Just witness…
So what happened next…the ‘gotcha’ political pundits felt compelled to latch onto it, first from the left…
<Theme Music> Bulletin Graphic: “SPECIAL RETORTS with Rafael Madcow” <Theme music crescendos> and cut to head shot
Rafael Madcow: Tonight this show will focus on a tragic story coming out of Alberturkey. The deaths of Jack and Louisa Spratt have focused the nation on dangerous fad diets. The Spratt’s “Meat Only” diet has been condemned by PETA, the USDA, and Vegans United. Vegans United spokesperson Annarex Bulimia is quoted as saying, “Blech, I can’t believe people are so callous that they would allow their cruel abuse of animals to lead to their own deaths. People like this should be locked in cages in re-education camps until they understand that their diets are killing the planet.”
Frightening Round
1. What play set a record this year by receiving 16 Tony nominations? HAMILTON.
2. Nogales, Laredo, and ___ are U.S.-Mexico bordertowns. BROWNSVILLE.
3. ‘I Still Do’ is the 23rd studio album by this guitar legend: ERIC CLAPTON.
4. Deadspin, Jezebel, and Gizmodo are ___ blogs. GAWKER MEDIA.
5. Which company closed all 463 of its stores this year? SPORTS AUTHORITY.
6. The yumberry is native to: CHINA.
7. The latest Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie is titled: OUT OF THE SHADOWS.
A full two thirds of the team scored the maximum for this round. Some points were sacrificed by players on F3 and F6.
Of course this prompted the rabid right to feel compelled to weigh in on the “issue.”
<Sound effects; Morse code over the racket of a teletype machine>
Head shot of Anchor: Nooncy Graceless
Nooncy: The radical leftists are making a spectacle of themselves over the tragic deaths of Jack and Louisa Spratt. But as usual, they have misinterpreted events to push a ridiculous narrative on the misfortune of a couple of American patriots. Their judgmental attitude is typified by the following statement from Vegans United
<cuts to clip of spokeswoman Annarex Bulimia>
Such rabid pronouncements demean the intelligence of the American consumer. The left wants the ‘Nanny State’ to legislate what you can eat and where you can eat it. Well, we say ENOUGH! The U.S. public should be allowed to make their own decisions on what they choose to eat. If they want to make choices that are unhealthy, it is their right to do so.
Py-Ram-It Round
P1. The Treaty of Lausanne, signed in 1923, formed the borders of:
TURKEY. {DUFF was instrumental in solving any dispute on this answer.}
P2. In Mallory’s ‘Death of Arthur,’ Morgause is presented as the mother of Sir Gawain and: MORDRED. {BLZBUB speared this answer by correctly linking ‘Morgause’ to the more familiar ‘Morgana.’}
P3. The Strait of Hormuz separates the Persian Gulf from the:
GULF OF OMAN. {CROEM, noticing confusion on the answers being called, belted out the correct answer for us here.}
P4. Although they resemble swallows, they are more closely related to hummingbirds:
SWIFTS. {JAX pre-called this answer, and remained steadfast in the face of other, non-correct suggestions from other team mates.}
P5. Who could best analyze the results of a Mantoux Test?
DOCTOR. {BLZBUB was thinking tuberculosis before the five choices appeared, but withheld a call until seeing ‘doctor’ on the list. Then he lanced the answer.}
Due to some of the great calls credited above, the team went perfect on this round. In fact, BLZBUB considers his team a good deal more close to perfection than any other media He has seen recently. For example…
At long last, there is a voice of sanity, the Surgeon General of the United States. But even here there is a lecture.
<News conference, The White House>
Ladies and gentlemen of the press, the Surgeon General, Bilious Fogg:
I have been asked to look into the circumstance of the deaths of Jack and Louisa Spratt. I and my staff have come to the conclusion that the Spratt’s are responsible for their own deaths, through a series of bad choices in their diets. And while I personally deplore the pursuit of a ‘meat only’ diet, I affirm that U.S. citizens should be given some leeway in their personal choices. Furthermore, calls for legislation on grocery stores to assure that balanced foodstuffs are purchased along with meats are, in my opinion, a Government overreach. This office will begin a new campaign to make the citizenry aware of the benefits of a balanced diet. The nutrition charts will be revised to make them more readable and more easily understood by the public. The charts will emphasize the need for healthy choices. As a whole, the public has been eating too much meat and washing it down with too much alcohol, and this needs to be modified. This office will lead the way. Thank you. Questions?...
FINAL TRAGEDY
Topic: RELIGION
Followers of this religion worship a god known as Oloduamare:
1. Shinto
2. Buddhism
3. Santeria
4. B’hai
5. Lutheranism
The order of the eliminations was 4, 5, 1, and 2, leaving #3, SANTERIA, as the correct answer. There was an immediate call to eliminate Lutheranism, followed by an awkward silence. The next call was to switch to number 3 if your original answer was eliminated. Since the entire team went into the Final Strategy with over 37000 points, there were plenty of members with a good chance to get the full 50% of that score wagered.
The top six boxes exiting this question were not in the top six entering the round. However, with everyone going in with killer scores, the final results were quite good. The individual top six scores were 58318, 57952, 57888, 57762, 56647, and 56407. The team tally was 57,495 points. Unfortunately the Buzzheads were unable to manage posting the final rankings, so the little-team-that-could was forced to leave the bar that night not knowing how we’d done against the competition.
A quick check of the rankings the following day revealed The Fellowship at the BWW Kent OH finished first with 59,308 points. At the BWW Gibson in ABQ, the Justice League meted out punishment to all the Borg collectives with a SECOND Place score of 57,495 points. HUZZAH! Then the Hokie House of Blacksburg, VA came in for Third at 55,337 points.
Other notable scores came from our friends at Teaser’s of Chicago (54208), BWW Scottsdale, AZ (54206), and Danny K’s of Orange, CA (52257). As usual, raspberries go to the few Borg bars that “researched” their way into the top twenty.
_________________
}}}--( (x) (x) )--->
Oh my gawd, they killed
Ken Z.
You bastards!
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