Honey badger don’t care. Honey badger don’t give a s#!+. The team at Coaches in Albuquirky assembled for the round of 16 in the Sandbag Tourney last Tuesday. We came in with the attitude that even though we won our qualifying division, we are outclassed by all of the other teams in the bracket. We don’t give a S#!+, we’re gonna play anyway.
Worn-up Round
1. Civil engineer with moniker “Magician of Iron”: GUSTAVE EIFFEL. 2. Souped up cars with fancy paint jobs are aka: TUNERS. 3. A word derived from the Greek for “to send away”: APOSTLE. 4. Lacrosse got its name from the __ used in the sport: STICKS. 5. The “Rampant Lion” is the name of this nation’s royal flag: SCOTLAND. 6. In “Waltzing matilda” who camps near a billabong: JOLLY SWAGMAN. 7. Cultivated in North America, dill is an herb of the __ family: PARSLEY. 8. Joe Pike is the fictional character from the mind of popular author: ROBERT CRAIS. 9. Loco Moto is a/an ___ dish made with rice, a hamburger patty and a fried egg: HAWAIIAN. 10. The Anegada Passage is a major channel that connects the Atlantic Ocean and the: CARRIBEAN SEA.
Just look at the honey badger. It’s one of the fiercest animals in the wild. Just like the Crotches Crewe in Albu-turky. We don’t give a s#!+, we’ll eat that warmed up round. It wasn’t too tasty on Q 8 and 10, but we ate it anyway. Let’s set to digging, like the honey badger. This will make us work for our quary in the Ground-down Round:
1. “Portrait of the Artist’s Father” is a noted 1910 painting by: MARCEL DUCHAMP. 2. Granodiorite is an igneous rock very similar to: GRANITE {not unlike our heads at Coaches.}. 3. Anna Maria Chavez was named CEO of this organization in 2011: GIRL SCOUTS. {BLZBUB has been scouting for girls a lot longer. Why wasn’t he named CEO of…Oh. Never mind.} 4. A place called Little Round Top saw much fighting during this battle: GETTYSBURG. 5. She currently plays Morticia Addams in the Broadway musical “The Addams Family”: BROOKE SHIELDS. 6. “Ursus Californicus” is a species of: GRIZZLY BEAR. 7. Yoweri Museveni is the President of which African country: UGANDA. 8. Three of this planet’s moons are named after characters in Pope’s “The Rape of the Lock”: URANUS {we were hoping for other teams, this would be “The Rape of Uranus.} 9. Which state is the home to the Great Falls of Passaic? NEW JERSEY. 10. The Stroh ___ was invented by John M.A. Stroh circa 1900: VIOLIN. {we Bleerly missed this...hic.} 11. Which of the following is a popular brand of Port wine? COCKBURN’S. {but didn’t spill this one!} 12. Auguste is a specific classification of: CLOWN. {Surely, you’re joking.}
That last round came at us like a king cobra. But like honey badger, we don’t give a s#!+. We’ll eat that cobra for lunch. OOH, we didn’t realize that it bit us. I think we’ll take a little nap now to shake off the bite’s effects. Ugh, feeling groggy now…not a good way to set up for the…
Scatological Round
1. American museums v SUNKEN SHIPS
What doomed ship was launched form Genoa, Italy on June 16, 1951? ANDREA DORIA
2. NATIONAL PARKS v zoology (no g-d-p-f-v-animules)
India’s Bandhavgarh nat’l park serves as a preserve for this noble beast: BENGAL TIGER
3. FAMOUS STRUCTURES v acclaimed novels
The cornerstone for this was laid at Bedloe’s Island Aug 5, 1884: STATUE OF LIBERTY
4. ZOOLOGY v American museums (and BLZBUB’s greatest fear is voted in)
The __ spider is the world’s fastest moving arachnid: CAMEL
5. ACCLAIMED NOVELS v nat’l parks
“Barnaby Rudge” and “A Tale of Two Cities” are the two ___ novels by Charles Dickens: HISTORICAL
6. SUNKEN SHIPS v famous structures
Its sinking was witnessed by passengers on the steamship “City of Washington”: MAINE
What the heck is that in honey badger’s mouth? Is that insect larva? Like honey badger, we chewed up that last round of Q’s. Coaches don’t give a frak. We’ll answer anything. Come on, let’s see what the BUZZARDS are serving for the…
Frightening Round
1. Easy. 2. A messy miss. 3. Easy. 4. Easy. 5. Easy. 6. Easy 7. A two-way tug of war.
We got our meal on that round, but now the jackals, and BUZZARDS and wild dogs are hanging around for scraps. Hey, we did the work…you guys go Py-ram-it
Py-Ram-It Round
P1. This world leader was ordained as a Catholic priest in 1983: JEAN BERTRAND ARISTIDE
P2. The Stroget is famous as Europe’s longest one of these: PEDESTRIAN ONLY STREET
P3. Australopithecus sediba is the name assigned to remains discovered by paleoanthropologist Lee Berger's nine-year-old son, Matthew, on August 15, 2008 in: SOUTH AFRICA
P4. One of the Four Truths of Buddhism is that all beings must: SUFFER
P5. This herding dog was a species originally bred by Bavarian cattlemen: GIANT SCHNAUZER
Honey badger so dumb. He do all the work to unearth answers, and then the BUZZARDS snatch away some of his meal. On P1, we gave up half by going 2-ways. On P2, we went the wrong way, and the BUZZARDS ate our lunch. On P3 and P4, we defended our turf and beat the BUZZIES. They were back again for P5, and we only got one-fifth of our tasty morsel down correctly.
Now it is time for the big prize…nailing a cobra up in a tree. We hope it isn’t going to kill us. But hey, honey badger don’t give a frak. He’ll bet it all on his skill and quickness.
FINAL TRAGEDY, on the topic of AIRPORTS
Which of the following countries has no airport within its borders?
ANDORRA
Success! Now we need to run away and eat before the hyenas at Henry Hudson’s eat our lunch. The final scores for our top six are: 46658, 43682, 43287, 43107, 41734, and 41143. We’re sitting on a paltry 43,269 points for the night. This could be disaster for honey badger.
But no, we finished 24th and Henry Hudson’s finished 27th. That was a close call, but we live to eat again.
For a view of the crazy nastyass honey badger, see:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=4r7wHMg5YjgSo frakkin' funny.
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