New Scaratings

Welcome to the new Scaratings
It is currently Thu Mar 28, 2024 9:00 am

All times are UTC - 5 hours




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 1 post ] 
Author Message
 Post subject: Parliament of the Dogs
PostPosted: Sun Feb 19, 2017 12:43 am 
Offline
Lotsa Posta

Joined: Mon Sep 19, 2016 9:33 am
Posts: 710
It was Groundhog Day 2017, the only day of the year when the sun is guaranteed to shine - so long as you're fortunate enough to be in a place where the sun breaches the horizon.

A bunch of the boys were whooping it up in the Malamute Saloon, when the following question appeared onscreen:

ONE OF THE MOST GRUELING EVENTS IN NORTH AMERICA IS THE IDITAROD. WHAT IS IT?

"Huh? That's a d-d-dogsled r-race!" Sam McGee exclaimed. Sam doesn't actually stutter. He's just always so cold, that even in the warmest of company, he can't stop shivering.

"I have to chisel the ice off Sam's teeth before I can take X-rays," Doc Wakley confided to his nearest neighbor, who nodded sagely in reply. Doc might as well have spoken in Chinese. His audience, a huge brute with a beard that ended at infinity, only spoke Russian.

Then the drop-down box appeared:

1. SURFING SAFARI
2. BICYCLE MARATHON
3. SLED DOG RACE
4. MOUNTAINEERING CHALLENGE
5. DANCE COMPETITION

"Th-th-th-that ain't right," Sam muttered. "It's the sled's be r-r-racing!" Everyone acknowledged that Sam had a valid point. It's the sled that counts, not the dogs, which can slough away. Nonetheless, everyone collected 1000 points on the question and the party moved on. And on.

And on.

Outside, in the arctic wind, where the uproar in the Malamute Saloon was reduced to a ghostly murmur, the dogs were growing restive.

"What in God's name are our masters doing in there?" someone growled. "Don't they know it's the dead of winter, and the twilight is fading fast?"

"They're in there getting liquored up," came an anonymous reply, "so that when they finally come out, they can lay on the lash. And drive us blindly to Dog knows where!"

"Did you guys know that more accidents are caused by booze than by cell phone abuse?" piped up a third voice. This factoid elicited a collective gasp from all the teams present.

"That's it, I'm outta here," declared Rex, a particularly burly and powerful wheel dog. He started chewing on his gangline, and in a matter of minutes had worked himself and his partner free. But neither of them could obtain purchase on their tugline. So they ran to the front of the pack, where Rex begged, "A little help here, guys?"

"I'm not a guy," said Mitzi, one of the lead dogs on Rex's sled. "And you're one slice short of a loaf, Rex. I sure hope our musher has some extra rope so he can patch the rest of us back onto our sled. There are good reasons why you're in the back of the team, Rex, and not up front, steering."

"That's not fair, Rex," the other teams were howling. "We have metal lines in plastic sheathing. How can we chew ourselves loose?"

"And if you do get loose, you Idiots, who is going to feed you?" Mitzi asked, with deflating sensibility. "Or are you and partner going to take down grizzly bears, like Rex and Butch here?"

"Mitzi has a point," everyone concurred. There was a bit more howling, but generally resignation and acceptance that, indeed, it was a dog's life. Ultimately, whether from envy or spite or sheer habit, nobody was willing to separate Rex from Butch.

And when the party inside the Malamute Saloon finally broke up, it took an hour for two other mushers to help Sam jump-start his vehicle. Rex and the hapless Butch didn't return to Sam's cabin until late the following morning. Much the worse for wear, it may be added.

"Did you learn anything from the experience?" Mitzi eventually asked Butch.

"Yeah," the wheel dog replied.

"That I'm never getting married."


Postscript: If you didn't care for this entry, blame MERKIN. He's been dragging his tail in pursuit of a breeding ground for three-legged pigs, of which I own several, of both sexes, all of whom are currently rooting about in my living room. So here i sit, with nothing to do.


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 1 post ] 

All times are UTC - 5 hours


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group