The English Language

Akbar71 · **Posted:** Mon May 02, 2011 2:40 am

Cloudy wrote:

.........................

Here's a toughie language question that requires a lot of switching letters in words around.

The question is, how do you get an elephant into a Safeway grocery shopping bag?

This question is so hard that I feel compelled to just go ahead and tell you guys the answer now.

First of all, you're gonna need a pencil and paper to figure this one out. Once you're ready, spilt "Safeway" into two words, and print them on the paper as "S A F E" and "W A Y". When you've got that done, take the letters "S" and "E" out of the word "SAFE", and print them on the paper. You're almost finished. Last step, now simply take the letter "F" out of the word "WAY". and voila, you've got it...! :lol:

Huh?

spotes · **Joined:** Mon Jan 11, 2010 11:27 pm **Posts:** 1558

Akbar71 wrote:

Huh?

Oh good. It's not just me that hasn't a clue.
Imagine my surprise at not realizing that there was an "F" in the word "way" after all of these years.
What a fool I've been... :mrgreen:

Is it possible to hook up a breathalyzer to Cloudy's computer?

I'm assuming that the remaining letters would be in the shape of an elephant.
FWY, but written more closely together.
Don't ask me how I got this from what Cloudy wrote, but it's the best I can give you.
And no, there's no truth to the rumor that I helped crack the Enigma system...

Akbar71 · **Posted:** Mon May 02, 2011 11:32 am

spotes wrote:

Imagine my surprise at not realizing that there was an "F" in the word "way" after all of these years.

Oh hell. Reading that sentence gave it to me. There is no "F" in the word "way." Or, more succinctly, "there is no 'f' in way," as in, "there no f'in way to get an elephant into..." Damn it.

spotes · **Joined:** Mon Jan 11, 2010 11:27 pm **Posts:** 1558

Akbar71 wrote:

spotes wrote:

Imagine my surprise at not realizing that there was an "F" in the word "way" after all of these years.

Oh hell. Reading that sentence gave it to me. There is no "F" in the word "way." Or, more succinctly, "there is no 'f' in way," as in, "there no f'in way to get an elephant into..." Damn it.

That's probably the answer, knowing Cloudy.
But the first "a" from "safe" still isn't accounted for in his breakdown.
I feel like I'm watching Bogart in The Big Sleep all over again... :mrgreen:

Cloudy · **Joined:** Tue Jan 12, 2010 4:30 am **Posts:** 5277

Akbar71 wrote:

spotes wrote:

Imagine my surprise at not realizing that there was an "F" in the word "way" after all of these years.

Oh hell. Reading that sentence gave it to me. There is no "F" in the word "way." Or, more succinctly, "there is no 'f' in way," as in, "there no f'in way to get an elephant into..." Damn it.

Looks like AKBAR got it first.

Yes, there is no "F" in "WAY". This is a situation where you need to switch from the printed word to the spoken word.

How do you get an elephant into a Safeway shopping bag?

There is no "F" in "WAY", but when you say it, it comes out, "There is no f'in way". :lol:

Yeah, it's really a joke, but I thought a little fun would be good for everyone.

Cloudy · **Joined:** Tue Jan 12, 2010 4:30 am **Posts:** 5277

spotes wrote:

Akbar71 wrote:

spotes wrote:

Imagine my surprise at not realizing that there was an "F" in the word "way" after all of these years.

Oh hell. Reading that sentence gave it to me. There is no "F" in the word "way." Or, more succinctly, "there is no 'f' in way," as in, "there no f'in way to get an elephant into..." Damn it.

That's probably the answer, knowing Cloudy.
But the first "a" from "safe" still isn't accounted for in his breakdown.
I feel like I'm watching Bogart in The Big Sleep all over again... :mrgreen:

SPOTES got it too...

Sadly, he got nosed out again, by someone, who had faster fingers. :cry:

It's a great joke. Try it on your buddies at the bar. At first they will look puzzled, but all of a sudden they will get it, and they will laugh their asses off...

Cloudy · **Joined:** Tue Jan 12, 2010 4:30 am **Posts:** 5277

spotes wrote:

Is it possible to hook up a breathalyzer to Cloudy's computer?

A computer brethalyzer...? Oh, No...! Please no...! For sure, I would be the first to go, but after the Feds took me away, and locked me up, I'm thinking that one of you guys might be moving into to the cell next to me before long. :lol:

p.s. Do you think we could get San Quentin to put NTN trivia in, if we got enough of us there...? :lol:

Hell, they wouldn't need to worry about us stealing the boxes, and we would be too preoccupied to start riots. :lol:

liljol · **Joined:** Sun Jan 10, 2010 8:41 pm **Posts:** 2497

Cloudy wrote:

p.s. Do you think we could get San Quentin to put NTN trivia in, if we got enough of us there...? :lol:

Hell, they wouldn't need to worry about us stealing the boxes, and we would be too preoccupied to start riots. :lol:

Well, I assume you mean this San Quentin...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/San_Quentin_State_Prison

instead of this one:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/San_Quentin,_California

Cloudy · **Joined:** Tue Jan 12, 2010 4:30 am **Posts:** 5277

liljol wrote:

Cloudy wrote:

p.s. Do you think we could get San Quentin to put NTN trivia in, if we got enough of us there...? :lol:

Hell, they wouldn't need to worry about us stealing the boxes, and we would be too preoccupied to start riots. :lol:

Well, I assume you mean this San Quentin...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/San_Quentin_State_Prison

instead of this one:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/San_Quentin,_California

Correctomundo...

p.s. Does the San Quentin community have any NTN bars?

Cloudy · **Joined:** Tue Jan 12, 2010 4:30 am **Posts:** 5277

I was playing the computer game, "Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader?", and got this wrong. The question was, which of these is a simple machine. The possible answers were wheel, lever, pulley, or wedge. I answerd pulley, but their answer was wedge. I reasoned that machines have moving parts within themselves, and that wheel, lever, and wedge did not. Lever and wedge, in my mind, would be considered as tools, and even though I didn't view a wheel to be a tool, I didn't think it was a machine either.

I Googled it and this is what I found:

"ma·chine /məˈʃin/ Show Spelled
[muh-sheen] Show IPA
noun, verb, -chined, -chin·ing.
–noun
1. an apparatus consisting of interrelated parts with separate functions, used in the performance of some kind of work: a sewing machine.
2. a mechanical apparatus or contrivance; mechanism.
3. Mechanics .
a. a device that transmits or modifies force or motion.
b. Also called simple machine. any of six or more elementary mechanisms, as the lever, wheel and axle, pulley, screw, wedge, and inclined plane."

Hell, if you believe this definition, "all of the above" would have been the correct answer. I wonder if NTN makes the questions and answers up for "Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader?".

What do you guys think?

Akbar71 · **Posted:** Thu May 05, 2011 10:07 pm

Cloudy wrote:

I was playing the computer game, "Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader?", and got this wrong. The question was, which of these is a simple machine. The possible answers were wheel, lever, pulley, or wedge. I answerd pulley, but their answer was wedge. I reasoned that machines have moving parts within themselves, and that wheel, lever, and wedge did not. Lever and wedge, in my mind, would be considered as tools, and even though I didn't view a wheel to be a tool, I didn't think it was a machine either.

I Googled it and this is what I found:

"ma·chine /məˈʃin/ Show Spelled
[muh-sheen] Show IPA
noun, verb, -chined, -chin·ing.
–noun
1. an apparatus consisting of interrelated parts with separate functions, used in the performance of some kind of work: a sewing machine.
2. a mechanical apparatus or contrivance; mechanism.
3. Mechanics .
a. a device that transmits or modifies force or motion.
b. Also called simple machine. any of six or more elementary mechanisms, as the lever, wheel and axle, pulley, screw, wedge, and inclined plane."

Hell, if you believe this definition, "all of the above" would have been the correct answer. I wonder if NTN makes the questions and answers up for "Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader?".

What do you guys think?

If I recall properly, those are all simple machines, as pointed out in definition 3b.

Cloudy · **Joined:** Tue Jan 12, 2010 4:30 am **Posts:** 5277

Akbar71 wrote:

If I recall properly, those are all simple machines, as pointed out in definition 3b.

When did the term "simple machine" come into being...? By this reasoning, a stone, a tree branch, a deer's antler, etc., become machines, because can they help humans do things that they couldn't do just with their hands. To Hell with what the dictionary says, I will go to the grave calling these things tools or implements, not machines.

Akbar71 · **Posted:** Fri May 06, 2011 1:40 am

Cloudy wrote:

When did the term "simple machine" come into being...?

Around Archimedes' time. The idea is that simple machines are used in conjunction to make complex machines. When you come right down to it, they are all variations on an inclined plane.

Cloudy · **Joined:** Tue Jan 12, 2010 4:30 am **Posts:** 5277

Akbar71 wrote:

Cloudy wrote:

When did the term "simple machine" come into being...?

Around Archimedes' time. The idea is that simple machines are used in conjunction to make complex machines. When you come right down to it, they are all variations on an inclined plane.

I still can't buy that a stone, a tree branch, or a deer's antler are machines in their own right. Perhaps, if they were combined in some way to do something, I might consider them to be components of a machine, but by themselves, I still say NO...!

Yep, I'm a little bit stubborn. :lol:

ANON · **Joined:** Sun Jan 10, 2010 8:59 pm **Posts:** 2232

Yes, this is a bad question, as they are all among the five simple machines that all kids are (or used to be, anyway) taught in basic science class or early in basic physics. The only one that seems to be missing is a screw.

liljol · **Joined:** Sun Jan 10, 2010 8:41 pm **Posts:** 2497

ANON wrote:

Yes, this is a bad question, as they are all among the five simple machines that all kids are (or used to be, anyway) taught in basic science class or early in basic physics. The only one that seems to be missing is a screw.

Well, considering CLOUDY's consternation, the game provided the screw. :roll:

Cloudy · **Joined:** Tue Jan 12, 2010 4:30 am **Posts:** 5277

liljol wrote:

ANON wrote:

Yes, this is a bad question, as they are all among the five simple machines that all kids are (or used to be, anyway) taught in basic science class or early in basic physics. The only one that seems to be missing is a screw.

Well, considering CLOUDY's consternation, the game provided the screw. :roll:

I don't remember the screw bing a choice. However, I think I got screwed nonetheless... :lol:

p.s. I would prefer to think it was just a tool that did that to me, and not a machine. :lol:

p.p.s. Do you have the "Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader" computer game also? If so, how much money have you accumulated? I'm approaching $25 billion...

Hell, why do I keep telling lies like this...? :lol:

Shame on me. :oops:

Cloudy · **Joined:** Tue Jan 12, 2010 4:30 am **Posts:** 5277

Deleting a duplicate post that the "ScaRatings" didn't give me an option to delete. Maybe I'm missing something, but this has happened to me more than once.

Cloudy · **Joined:** Tue Jan 12, 2010 4:30 am **Posts:** 5277

It's hard to believe, but according to the online dictionaries I've consulted, "seldomly" is not a word. I have always viewed "seldomly" as a proper adverb, but I guess it ain't. Anyone else ever use the word "seldomly", besides CLOUDY, the ever increasing idiot?

I guess I consult online dictionaries too seldomly. :lol:

p.s. What the Hell, I like the word. Damn, I'm gonna keep using it, and I ask the rest of you guys out there, who write for newspapers, to start using the word "seldomly" also, if you are not using it already. If we get enough of us using it, pretty soon it will become an acceptable word just like "irregardless" has become, according to some. Not joking, some authorities now say "irregardless" is okay to use.

I'm pretty sure you will soon see "irregardless" in the New York Times. Can "seldomly" be that far behind...? :lol:

THE ICEMAN · **Posted:** Sat May 07, 2011 3:38 am

Cloudy is now banned for... oops, wrong thread. Oh well, fuck it, he double posted...

Attachment:

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Cloudy · **Joined:** Tue Jan 12, 2010 4:30 am **Posts:** 5277

THE ICEMAN wrote:

Cloudy is now banned for... oops, wrong thread. Oh well, fuck it, he double posted...

Attachment:

ssp_temp_capture.jpg

Okay, buddy... I can do better than double posts that the "ScaRatings" won't let me delete. Get ready for quintuple postings, and maybe more... :twisted:

...

p.s. Get rid of that fuckin' chicken. If you don't, I'm gonna hunt that sucker down, chop him up, deliver his remains to Colonel Sanders, and you could very well wind up eating him in your next bucket of extra crispy from Kentucky Fried Chicken. :lol:

THE ICEMAN · **Posted:** Sat May 07, 2011 4:20 am

Are you a leg or a breast man?

Cloudy · **Joined:** Tue Jan 12, 2010 4:30 am **Posts:** 5277

THE ICEMAN wrote:

Are you a leg or a breast man?

Legs ain't bad, and breasts are pretty good too, but are we talking about fried chicken...?

If not, I think you're leaving something out... :lol:

GOD DAMN IT, THAT FUCKIN' CHICKEN IS STILL THERE. IT'S TOO LATE TONIGHT, BUT TOMORROW I'M LOADING MY SHOTGUN AND GOING HUNTING... :twisted:

Annoying, annoying, annoying...! That God damn chicken of yours is so annoying that PETA went out and bought me a case of shotgun shells to blow that feathered strutter away. ICEMAN, do the right thing, take that annoying chicken of yours off the "ScaRatings", and donate it to some wildlife sanctuary or zoo. If you don't... Bang, bang... Sizzle, sizzle... Yum Yum...

Cloudy · **Joined:** Tue Jan 12, 2010 4:30 am **Posts:** 5277

Somewhere I read that "irregardless" is now an accepable word. Good God, what will be next...?

Cloudy · **Joined:** Tue Jan 12, 2010 4:30 am **Posts:** 5277

"Winston tastes Good Like a Cigarette Should!"...

What's wrong with this tobacco commercial from all those years ago?

p.s. Don't tell me shit about secondhand smoke. Remember what this thread is about.

p.p.s. Forget the capitaliztion and punctuation. They're not what I'm looking for.

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