New Scaratings

I finally got to meet the infamous TIEFLY at Triviapalooza this year. He's a ridiculous person and therefore I love him. But I never would have guessed him to be a poet. He wrote an awesome poem for me and I did my best to reciprocate. I'm posting it here for those of you who aren't on Facebook, because you may be mentioned in it (and if you're not, you'll probably be in Part II, which will come after next year's Triviapalooza):


This is the start of a poem, for my new wonder twin, Sharon D. Allen.

YOU ASKED FOR IT

"Damn
she's tall enough
to stare down
geese in flight"

my first thought
upon seeing
the gypsy

a blue haired
lady liberty
come to life
armed with a
battalion of booze
instead of
a book
&
a torch

i
was caught off guard
somewhere
between
lust
&
fleeing
from this
inked up
agent
of the apocalypse

she
set the bounty
of
beverages
beside me

"drink up,
I'm sharin'"

"thank you for sharin'"

"No dumbass
my name is
Sharon"

having slammed
one of her drinks
i thought
"oh shit"

at these trivia events
i
trend towards
being the loudest person
doing the outlandish
playing annoying music
imbibing til i wrestle gravity

the center of attention
for stupid antics

i
didn't stand a chance
this year

sharon
was
better looking
smarter
wittier
knew worse music than me
&
could handle
vast quantities
of liquor

a
6 foot tall
busty
ex-military
harley riding
law student
with a ready smile
&
glasses
that she probably
beat up Elvis Costello
to get

she told me
"someone said
i'm the female you"

i
looked at my
reflection
in the bar back
mirror

"i wish"
i
thought

but in that
atmosphere
we were
wonder twins
ACTIVATE
the power of alcohol
&
trivia answers

i
was glad
she was
at this event

a
warrior
to save us
from
the dutch insurgence
that is
boomkamp

i
really
liked
her

but
she scares
me
___________

Here is mine to him:

PART I

There are some players known wide and far
And I’ve met them at dozens of bars
I have played with GRIFF
And his left hand, GLIFF
I have played in Louisville with SCAR

I met BEACHY, BADGER, and TOLLE,
At a Dallas watering hole
I’ve played with GONE D
BLZBUB, MEEE
HAMMER, ANON, DUFF, and LILJOL

I know DANTE, JOHN L, and PENGWN
GOGETM and WPM
CLIPPER and KITT
PROZAC, IDJIT
Then I met TIEFLY, my Wonder Twin

I had heard all about him for years
I’d heard he could outdrink me in beers
He was cat-scratching
I thought, “Is it catching?”
“And why are we considered to be peers?”

I’d heard rumors, but I didn’t know it
Very soon he started to show it
He’s quite a strange creature
Makes sense he’s a teacher
But I’d never guess he’d be a poet

He was filled up all the way to the brim
Overflowing with vigor and vim
Completely carefree
Was he the male me?
JETS said I was the girl version of him

He was just this side of manic
Though his energy seemed organic
A sesquipedalian
Tatterdemalion
To my lexiphanic mechanic

Then I saw the resemblance, really
We're both ridiculously silly
At the bar in Boston
We both got lost in
AJAX’s love for Milli Vanilli

I have always thought that I was fun
Up against TIEFLY, I was outdone
My trivia playmate
Wonder Twins, Activate!
Our absurd friendship has only begun

You mean we have to wait that long for the next reply? I suppose it's true, that you can't push inspiration...