|
Bridgeport, WW(AP) - A new dangerous botfly larvae was discovered in a parking lot in the Appalachian city Bridgeport, sources say. The larvae, which was found by high school students leaving a Bridgeport High School afterprom party at the Bridgeport Buffalo Wild Wings around three AM, reportedly contained near-lethal amounts of rubbing alcohol.
"We had a larger than usual crowd Saturday night," said Enos P. Beansprout, 2d assistant manager of the Bridgeport BW3, "so we were kind of lucky that we asked the regular crowd to get out before the high schoolers arrived at eleven."
The larvae, which had grown into three to as many as five separate piles of yellow, chunky goo by the time the authorities arrived, emitted a sufficiently strong odor to cause nearby citizens to flee to a nearby Microtel lobby. "Yeah, round midnight or so we got a lot of loud agitated folks come streaming in, complaining about barfpies at Bee Dubs," reported Howie Manboobs, night clerk at the Bridgeport Notell Microtel next door. "These folks just woudn't shut up about what they saw. After a while I had to warn them to quiet down, and eventually I just put them all in the conference room, which was definitely in violation of the fire code."
Health officials, while refusing to rule out extraordinary measures needed to protect the public health, quietly sought to reassure the local community. "Look," said Jeremiah Claptrap, "We don't think this stuff poses a significant contagion hazard, since the only object that bears the larvae's chemical signature is a discarded plastic bottle we found across the street."
Unable to scientifically explain the heretofore unknown organism, Claptrap said that he suspected that both the larvae and its chemical signature may be "the work of the devil hisself."
Police were similarly tight-lipped on the subject of the larvae piles in the lot, though sources said they were looking for a person of interest in connection with ties to a moonshine operation known to operate in the area. As of press time, no arrests had been made.
Guests at the Mircotel were inconvenienced by the sudden, unexpected emergence of the new, mysterious life form. "Did you see that shit?" asked one Microtel guest, who refused to be identified. "When the prom kids showed up and we got thrown outta the b'dubs I nearly stepped in that crap, but those piles were so big I couldn't have missed it.
"I'll tell you what," the guest continued, "after seeing that up close I'm never eating there again. Next year, I'm taking my business to Tudor's Biscuit World."
|
Login
Register
FAQ
Search
