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 Post subject: The Preservation of Interesting Orphans
PostPosted: Thu Mar 09, 2017 10:19 pm 
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Lotsa Posta

Joined: Mon Sep 19, 2016 9:33 am
Posts: 710
The Mouse Hollow Society for the Preservation of Interesting Orphans recently held its annual banquet in a private room at the exclusive Eberton Country Club, where following the lobster bisque, filet mignon, and creme brulee, it was proposed and seconded, that the Golden Horde should be declared by the Society to be a terrorist organization.

In the ensuing debate, it was observed and soberly noted that, apart from the terror which the Golden Horde spreads among local Buzztime players, terrorists generally create more orphans than any comparable group. Statistics tend to support these findings.

This proposal was passed without dissent. It was further moved that a prize should be distributed to the Golden Horde, for advancing the importance of our Society's mission. This seemingly innocuous proposal was met with sharp opposition, unusual at our sedate dinners. The Secretary observed in his minutes, that when the Beloved Leader stood up, and declared that we were a bunch of sick fucks, his walking out of the meeting drew the first standing ovation in our long and distinguished history.

Stimulated by the Beloved Leader's perhaps unseemly show of energy, we ultimately concluded that the pacification of Muslim Asia could tilt above $10 trillion, but that we could postpone this expense (which would have stretched the Society's already overdrawn budget) in favor of some small token to cement our alliance with an acceptable ally, such as the Golden Horde. We finally settled on sending the Horde a delicate triptych, portraying the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost.

"I am requesting your vote," the Chairman intoned, "in favor of this bequest. Western art, so vastly superior to all others, has been proven to have a calming influence on everyone who has been exposed to it."

The proposal carrying by voice acclamation, we broke out the cards for a spine-tingling round of contract bridge, at a penny a point.


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 Post subject: Re: The Preservation of Interesting Orphans
PostPosted: Sat Mar 11, 2017 12:05 pm 
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Lotsa Posta

Joined: Mon Sep 19, 2016 9:33 am
Posts: 710
Shortly after 1 PM on Friday March 10, I rode into the Golden Horde's encampment at Fabulous Ferns, a place they sometimes frequent when the sheep's skull they use in their polo matches unexpectedly shatters. The players were TEMUJIN, MME WU, WANYE, LILU and OGEDEI. As emissary of the Mouse Hollow Society I had brought the "delicate triptych," so described, without inspecting it. Nor had I been instructed how to present this gift.

Knowing how passionate these people are in competition, I had thought to run a single elimination, culminating with the first Countdown quiz of the afternoon. But WANYE had unfinished business with a gang of Uyghurs, and couldn't stay past 2 PM. So I made a snap decision to add up best box for each of the five players in the final three Lunchtime quizzes, a decision made easier by virtue of all five playing two blue boxes. The results were as follows:

LILU 6,731 6,915 6,829 20,475
MME WU 6,742 6,762 6,781 20,285
OGEDEI 6,363 6,817 7,000 20,180
TEMUJIN 6,725 6,541 6,829 20,095
WANYE 6,124 6,204 6,804 19,132

"You have western images to give to the winner?" WANYE growled. "Good, I don't believe in 'em." Then he rode off.

These are rough men, and the women are worse. So it was in trepidation that I presented LILU with her winnings. First the Father: a classic image of Eustace Tilley from 1965. Once a year, this dandified knickerbocker raises his monocle to study the first butterfly of spring. There is, of course, no irony here. Then the Son: Vladimir Putin in a drab suit, raising his monocle to study the first butterfly of spring, which bears an appalling resemblance to our POTUS, with "New Yorker" spelled in Russian (this year's edition). Lastly, the Holy Ghost: Alfred E Neuman, dressed to the nines in traditional Tilley finery, fixing his vacant smile on the beholder of his image, while a very large moth, possibly a saturnid but not a butterfly, flutters near Tilley's head in the unlikely hope of drawing his attention. This is probably an apocryphal cover, undated, but a superb image of the MAD icon, for his stoned serenity under aerial attack.

LILU was delighted. "Mine'll be the only yurt with pictures on the walls," she proudly exclaimed.

I grabbed one of WANYE's playmakers for a friendly game of Countdown. What I had feared would be a disaster ended in triumph. All four of them were converted. Theological purists may object to the Mouse Hollow Society's brand of religion, but first things first. The details we can work out later.


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