Shortly after 1 PM on Friday March 10, I rode into the Golden Horde's encampment at Fabulous Ferns, a place they sometimes frequent when the sheep's skull they use in their polo matches unexpectedly shatters. The players were TEMUJIN, MME WU, WANYE, LILU and OGEDEI. As emissary of the Mouse Hollow Society I had brought the "delicate triptych," so described, without inspecting it. Nor had I been instructed how to present this gift.
Knowing how passionate these people are in competition, I had thought to run a single elimination, culminating with the first Countdown quiz of the afternoon. But WANYE had unfinished business with a gang of Uyghurs, and couldn't stay past 2 PM. So I made a snap decision to add up best box for each of the five players in the final three Lunchtime quizzes, a decision made easier by virtue of all five playing two blue boxes. The results were as follows:
LILU 6,731 6,915 6,829 20,475 MME WU 6,742 6,762 6,781 20,285 OGEDEI 6,363 6,817 7,000 20,180 TEMUJIN 6,725 6,541 6,829 20,095 WANYE 6,124 6,204 6,804 19,132
"You have western images to give to the winner?" WANYE growled. "Good, I don't believe in 'em." Then he rode off.
These are rough men, and the women are worse. So it was in trepidation that I presented LILU with her winnings. First the Father: a classic image of Eustace Tilley from 1965. Once a year, this dandified knickerbocker raises his monocle to study the first butterfly of spring. There is, of course, no irony here. Then the Son: Vladimir Putin in a drab suit, raising his monocle to study the first butterfly of spring, which bears an appalling resemblance to our POTUS, with "New Yorker" spelled in Russian (this year's edition). Lastly, the Holy Ghost: Alfred E Neuman, dressed to the nines in traditional Tilley finery, fixing his vacant smile on the beholder of his image, while a very large moth, possibly a saturnid but not a butterfly, flutters near Tilley's head in the unlikely hope of drawing his attention. This is probably an apocryphal cover, undated, but a superb image of the MAD icon, for his stoned serenity under aerial attack.
LILU was delighted. "Mine'll be the only yurt with pictures on the walls," she proudly exclaimed.
I grabbed one of WANYE's playmakers for a friendly game of Countdown. What I had feared would be a disaster ended in triumph. All four of them were converted. Theological purists may object to the Mouse Hollow Society's brand of religion, but first things first. The details we can work out later.
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