New Scaratings

pengwn lies awake at night wondering what countries that don't use the Roman alphabet call a "U-turn".

SPOTES once got a ticket for making a U-turn, but be beat it in traffic court, when he explained to the judge that he didn't use the Roman alphabet.

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"The game is afoot."

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(o\_!_/o)

Yep, I do, and it's damn good cheese.

ICEMAN should agree, because he has purchased five wheels of Toe Cheese from me over the last six months.



............................"ICEMAN, I got your e-mail. The next wheel is on it's way."

p.s. If anyone else would like to try it, I'm running a special. You will recieve a free wedge and a 10% off coupon on your first purchase of a wheel of "Le Fromage du Cloudy", if you call within the next 30 minutes. Operators are standing by.

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"The game is afoot."

Cloudy makes an extremly poor imitation of Limburger Cheese. I would send you some but the Post Office won't allow it because of the smell.

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"Truth Like Football. Gets kicked around much, before reaching goal." - Charlie Chan

" Don't look back, The bastards might be gaining on you." - Satchel Paige

Frank

FrankC was a hardy boy, and not afraid to take on new challenges in his youth. Sometime in the late 1950's he decided to join the Lakeview Polar Bear Club, even though he couldn't swim. On that fateful day in February, he stode to the pier, stripped to his speedo, donned his water wings, and dove into the frigid waters of Lake Michigan. The water wings kept him afloat, so he splashed around for a while, having great fun, until his lips turned blue, and his body functions started to shut down. (Frank had declined to grease up as the rest of the Lakeview Polar Bear Club did.)

As they pulled him from the icy water, he kept saying, "Limburger cheese, please." through his chattering teeth.

After the medical people there had wrapped him in blankets next to the heater in the tent, they brought him a wedge of Limburger cheese, which he scarfed down in a matter of seconds.

Frank dropped out of the Polar Bear Club, but to this day he attributes the fact that he is still alive to the Limburger cheese.

Frank believes that he will live forever as long as he has his daily dose of Limburger cheese.

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"The game is afoot."

For my Mth post: Not at all, my dear Spotes. It's pronounced "you-turn," and since the Latin for "you" is "tu" (pronounced "two"), they would call it a II-turn. See? That's logic!

CLOUDY is eagerly awaiting this spring's Macarena-rama week-long dance marathon. He's been practicing seven hours every day so far this year

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/°v°\ • Every time Linux boots, a penguin gets its wings
I'm a solipsistic conspiracy theorist. I'm sure I must be up to something, and I won't stop until I find out what
Why not downgrade Plutonium to a dwarf element?

Another duplicate post that cannot be deleted. Sadly, it is too late to fill this space with something that fits this thread according to ICEMAN's rules. However, not to see it go to waste, I'll throw this in, which has nothing to do with "Post Baseless Lies About the Person Above You".

It will be nearly a year before this comes around again, but when it does, don't walk past a Salvation Army volunteer ringing a bell, without slipping at least a dollar bill into the red kettle. Better yet, volunteer to ring that bell yourself. I do...

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"The game is afoot."

PENGWN declined an invitation to join the Canadian National Polar Bear Club, because he was afraid that there would be real polar bears there, that would gobble him up.

p.s. A while ago, I snuck into your penguin hatchery, and stole ten eggs. I carefully took them back to Louisville, and kept them warm on the trip. Once we got back to the Blue Grass, I incubated them until they hatched, and raised the little guys as my own. You should be proud to know that we all have been practicing together for the Macarena-rama week-long dance marathon, which all of us expect to win this spring.

Here's some video of one of the little guys practicing for the big dance:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QoilJV6Pqig

You are more than welcome to join us, and when we win, the penguins want you to present the trophy to the team.

p.p.s. My little black and white guys would love it if you could take them back to Canada with you for a visit to meet their brothers and sisters, whom they have never seen. I'll pick them up, when they're ready to come home.

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..................................................................Goodnight I'm going to bed.

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"The game is afoot."

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/```\
(o\_!_/o)

ICEMAN is the real Lennay Kekua... He has an amazing ability to imitate female voices, and ethnic accents over the phone. Some years ago he tricked me for a year of what I thought were passionate conversations with a Bonnie Mac Donald, the woman of my dreams, who supposedly lived in Portree, Scotland. On our last phone call, when I told her (him) that I was getting my passport renewed, and going to fly over to meet her, ICEMAN dropped his fake voice, laughed at me, and said, "Cloudy, how gullible can anyone be? I don't think even a dumb Notre Dame football player would ever fall for such a ridiculous gag."

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"The game is afoot."

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/```\
(o\_!_/o)

Yep, I bought them at an ICEMAN yard sale. He told me that he had just picked them up from the dry cleaners, and they were good as new. He said that the only reason why he was getting rid of his old tutu and bodice was that he had put on a few pounds and couldn't wiggle into them anymore, and he had recently replaced them with a larger size that fit him better.

p.s. Shortly after that, ICEMAN made a lot of money modeling for Disney cartoon artists, when they were making the hippo dance scene for "Fantasia".

Check this out:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nEjPDS8Jp1E

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"The game is afoot."

The Lake View Polar Bear Club had its swim today at Oak Street beach. The Lake Michigan water tempature was a balmy 33 degrees. The air temp was aboout the same. We did not need to chop through the ice this year.

Cloudy was in attendance and was invited to join in, but would only dip his big toe in the water. He turned a very nice shade of blue and was recruited by the Blue Man Group.



Cloudy is the one in the middle.

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"Truth Like Football. Gets kicked around much, before reaching goal." - Charlie Chan

" Don't look back, The bastards might be gaining on you." - Satchel Paige

Frank

I didn't participate in the Lakeview Polar Bear Club dip in Lake Michigan, because Frank wasn't there. I wasn't going to subject myself to the frigid waters, unless I had a buddy to swim with.

I asked around to find out where Frank was, and the Lakeview Polar Bear Club members told me that they hadn't seen him in years, ever since he took up clog line dancing. So I went to find Frank at the gym that the Polar Bear guys told me that he would likely be found. Sure enough, there he was, teaching a bunch of new cloggers how to clog.



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Here he is in action with his clogging dance team:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QmJj6LZogms

A free beer to anyone, who can pick Frank out of this line of cloggers.

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"The game is afoot."

CLOUDY has even bigger man-boobs than ↑ that guy ↑

_________________
/°v°\ • Every time Linux boots, a penguin gets its wings
I'm a solipsistic conspiracy theorist. I'm sure I must be up to something, and I won't stop until I find out what
Why not downgrade Plutonium to a dwarf element?

What do penguins know about man-boobs...? Hell, they don't even have woman-boobs.

When PENGWN was very young, his 3rd grade class went on a field trip to the local art museum, where he saw exposed female bosoms for the first time. He would still be standing there to this day gawking at them, if his teacher didn't drag him back to the school bus to take him back to the school.

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........................................................ Goodnight I'm going to bed.

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"The game is afoot."

Ahem. The thread title is BASELESS LIES, not obvious truth

<-- Loves the boobies


Once again, CLOUDY has stellar reading comprehension. See? Baseless lie!

_________________
/°v°\ • Every time Linux boots, a penguin gets its wings
I'm a solipsistic conspiracy theorist. I'm sure I must be up to something, and I won't stop until I find out what
Why not downgrade Plutonium to a dwarf element?

PENGWN is actually a United States citizen on the run, hiding out in Canada.

Back in 1969, when PENGWN received a letter from his local draft board that began with "Greetings from the President of the United States", he packed his bags and headed north to Canada. You can't blame him. He was a crazy mixed-up teenager, and after watching "Sgt. Bilko", "Gomer Pyle", and "M*A*S*H" on TV for many years, he didn't think the military was for him.

After leaving the States, he dedicated his life to helping his fellow mankind in Canada, winning many honors for the good work he did.

Then the day came, and Jimmy Carter offered amnesty to all United States citizens, who had avoided the draft, by moving to Canada. His Canadian girlfriend looked at him with tears streaming down her face, and said, "PENGWN, I know you are going to leave me now. It's okay. I understand. I will never forget you, and the wonderful times we had together."

PENGWN put his arms around her, drew her close, and whispered in her ear, "Sweetheart, I'm not leaving you. I'm staying here."

She broke loose from PENGWN's embrace, jumped with glee, and said, "I'm so glad that you love me so much."

PENGWN replied, "Yep, I love ya baby, but when I crossed the border all those years ago, I left behind a whole lot of unpaid parking tickets. The fines are well over $8,000. So there is no way I'm ever going back to the States."

p.s. PENGWN, we both know that this is just fiction. However, let it go. Any gals, who read this, will fall in love with you, your story will be plastered all over millions of "Facebook" accounts around the world, and they will dream of you every night as they slip into slumber.

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"The game is afoot."

You do know I was born in 1978, five years after the US pulled out of Vietnam, right?
Fortunately for all of mankind, my dad was similarly prompt with pulling out

CLOUDY will be flying to The Netherlands around the beginning of May. Not for the abdication of Queen Beatrix and installation of Crown Prince Willem-Alexander as king, though. CLOUDY recently discovered the brilliance of Tiny Tim, and is anxious to tiptoe thru as many tulips as possible in homage

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/°v°\ • Every time Linux boots, a penguin gets its wings
I'm a solipsistic conspiracy theorist. I'm sure I must be up to something, and I won't stop until I find out what
Why not downgrade Plutonium to a dwarf element?

Actually, I've already been to the Netherlands twice, and both times Helene and I took a little time to tiptoe through the tulips, while we listened to Tiny Tim on our Sony Walkmans.

You've got to listen to it too. Here it is:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N_PLWqnfFgU

Actually, I really don't care who the monarch is next time I go there, just as long as all of the Dutch still speak perfect English, and the beer and cheese stay as wonderful as they have always been.

I might add, if you have never been to the Netherlands, you may be surprised to find that almost all of them are extremely tall. (You will meet 6'2" teenage girls pretty much everywhere you go. No joke.)

Enough for my response to PENGWN's baseless lie, now it's time for me to post a baseless lie about PENGWN.

PENGWN bought Hans Brinker's silver skates on eBay last month, and paid a pretty Euro for them. The Dutch government offered to pay his travel expenses, if he would fly across the Big Pond, and put on a skating demonstration wearing them. PENGWN declined the offer, with the lame excuse that he would be in court to work out a bunch of Canadian parking tickets, and the government had revoked his passport until he settled up. Perhaps that is true, but it's most likely a lie. We know what the real truth is... Despite the fact that PENGWN is a rabid hockey fan, HE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO SKATE...!

I promised PENGWN that I would never show this video of him trying to ice skate, but you can never trust a liar's promise.

Here is video of PENGWN showing off how well he can execute a figure eight on the ice:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lBukMlS57mY

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"The game is afoot."

Cloudy the Cheat has had a number of aliases. Perhaps the best known would be D.B. Cooper.

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/```\
(o\_!_/o)

ICEMAN completed his undergraduate college studies with honors in three majors, meteorology, geology, and engineering. His college advisor asked him which he would choose to pursue in grad school. ICEMAN replied, "Hell, I'm gonna combine all three to them." Well, he sure as Hell did, and this is what became of it:




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................................................................"Goodnight I'm going to bed."

_________________
"The game is afoot."

_________________

/```\
(o\_!_/o)

(The KGB ceased to exist in 1991. Yeah, it's really still around, but today it is known as the FSB.)

ICEMAN is a secret agent working for The Duchy of Grand Fenwick. He is in control of the Q-bomb, so you better not piss him off.

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"The game is afoot."