This is the true story of ICEMAN's presidential campaign that failed to get off the launch pad just as it was about to take off.
Everything was right for ICEMAN to get the Republican nomination, and once he had the nomination, it was a sure thing that he would be elected president of the United States. He had fat cat donors, with gazillions of dollars, contributing big bucks to his war chest. He had a dream team of the best political advisers that money could buy from Harvard, Yale, Duke, Colgate, Ohio State, Vassar, and Gonzaga. He had an impeccable life history. He was an Eagle Boy Scout. He was his high school valedictorian. He graduated from college summa cum laude. If that wasn't enough, his old college dean provided a letter that said he had perfect attendance for every class he had, while attending school. A check of his criminal record came up with nothing but a parking violation back in 1965.
He was a perfectly vetted candidate, who had great ideas for getting the country back on track, and to prosperity and peace again. The speeches he gave across the country drew thousands of enthusiastic voters. It looked so much like a sure thing that ICEMAN hired interior decorators to come up with plans to redecorate the White House to his specifications. The campaign was on a role, and everything looked good, until...
Yes, there is an "until"...
The "until" was the day that ICEMAN's campaign posters, with his picture on them, came back from the printing company. Once his fat cat, megabucks donors saw the posters, they all said "Oh, my God. He looks just like Eleanor Roosevelt. No Republican is going to vote to nominate a person, who looks like FDR's wife...!"
For such a silly thing, his deep pocket backers pulled all of their money out his campaign. All of his TV and radio ads went off the air, and as we all known he was not invited to the Republican debates.
However, don't despair good buddy. There's still a chance that your likeness might show up on the new $10.00 bill...